We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
