There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Randomize
