"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
