If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
