The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
