I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
