I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
