i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
