i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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