So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
