i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
