can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
