and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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