no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
