saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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