Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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