Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
