but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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