So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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