Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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