the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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