She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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