I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
