Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
We left an ass print on the piano.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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