I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
