Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
