Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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