Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
