Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
