There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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