Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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