Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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