my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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