you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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