defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
