he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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