I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize