She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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