is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
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Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
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I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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