just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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