8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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