i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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