just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
