I hate your face
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
