I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I hope mine doesn't look like that
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
