I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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