We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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