He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize