i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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