Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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