If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
how drunk are you?
Several
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
