Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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