Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
