Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
