Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
