We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
