When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
