I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
