mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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