I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
You ate ashes out of my bong
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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