Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
