I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
