Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize
