The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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