...so i touched it.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
