I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
