I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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